


Let Me Make It Up To You

by green_blue_heller



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Coming Out, Established Relationship, JIB3, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28717302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_blue_heller/pseuds/green_blue_heller
Summary: After Misha was slated to be killed off Supernatural, Jensen didn't know how to make him fit into his life anymore. He'd always been wary that people were going to find out, and didn't let things get too far because he was afraid of getting hurt if he got too attached.But it's been almost nine months since their breakup, and Rome had been their place for the last two JIB conventions and it's bringing back old memories for Jensen.He had sworn he was done with Misha, but his heart disagreed.Now, he has to get Misha to realize he's serious this time and he isn't going to hurt him again.
Relationships: Cockles - Relationship, Jensen Ackles & Misha Collins, Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my headcanon of how they got back together after the infamous Cockles breakup.
> 
> This work is inspired by the "Maybe Cockles Kiss" that can be found here on my tumblr: https://all-the-ships-love.tumblr.com/post/638046204932063232/if-it-looks-like-a-kiss-pt-2 (there are two parts to this post, I blogged the second one so you can go back and see the first part because I don't believe the first part has a link to the second part). There are gifs and a link to the actual YT video within the two posts.
> 
> This does not mean, this is what happened, or even that the person he is kissing is MISHA. You cannot see the person, but as far as I know, Danneel was not at this convention.
> 
> I do not know any of the people personally. I do not know any details.
> 
> Happy Jensen thanking Mish and Dee on his IG post for his CCSA win! <3

“Mish, wait.” Jensen tried to reach out and grab Misha’s arm and pull him back toward him, but the older man pulled away and continued around the corner.

With a quick glance to make sure no one was around the backstage area, he frowned and narrowed his green eyes as he wondered what he should do. Part of him wanted to follow his blue-eyed co-star and make him see reason.

But he couldn’t blame Misha for not trusting him, for not wanting to talk to him about what had happened. 

He let out a sigh and with new determination stalked down the hall to where he had watched Misha disappear around the corner. If he knew his Misha, he was probably grabbing something to eat before his panel.

_ His Misha _ . The thought made him practically trip over his own feet. The ache deep in his chest, a brutal reminder that Misha wasn’t his anymore. And he had no right to seek the other man out and try to make him talk about it - about  _ them _ .

Not after all this time.

Not after the way he had treated him all those months ago.

But he’d been wrong, and knew it almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth. But it had been too late at that point. He couldn’t take it back, not that he’d tried.

But as the months passed, the hollowness and the pain in his heart hadn’t subsided. If anything, it consumed him more and more as time passed. He knew he was missing an important part of his life, of his heart. 

And only Misha could fill that void.

So, he told himself he just needed to get Misha to listen to him, just once. If he could get him to listen, to hear him out, maybe he could fix it. 

He hoped he could fix it. But he also knew he would deserve it if Mish told him to go pound sand. 

This was his last chance, he knew it. If he couldn’t make things right now, he would lose Misha forever, even as a friend and a co-worker.

So, there Jenesen was, in Rome of all places, seeking out the man who could make him whole again, and hoped he wasn’t too late to fix what it was he had broken.

They all had some downtime to eat and unwind before the afternoon panels, photo ops, and signings that would start in a little under a half-hour. And he had hoped to be able to catch up with Misha, who had mostly been avoiding him for the last nine months.

Looking back, he knew he had been an asshole when he’d had that panic attack in his trailer after he found out that Sera planned to kill off Misha’s character at the beginning of their last season. It had all been too much and having to make things work between the two of them had seemed like too much effort when he didn’t have a job to hide behind.

He’d been a coward. 

And he told himself that it was never supposed to be serious and that he was being selfish for his wife at home not being enough. Even though Dani had turned out to be mad at him too for the way he’d treated Misha when he called things off.

He couldn’t catch a break, it seemed. Not that he deserved it. Because it was easy to look back now and know he’d been a fool.

He walked into craft services, determined to tell Misha he was an idiot and to grovel and do whatever he needed to do. Except, Misha wasn’t in there.

Jensen growled as he slammed his fist on the table and swore under his breath.

Across the room, Jared looked up, surprised. 

“Dude, you okay?” 

He looked like he was ready to get up and make sure his brother was alright, but Jensen shot him a look that let him know he was in no mood to talk about it.

“Where’d Misha go?” Jensen tried not to wince at the harshness in his voice, but he was desperate. 

Even though he knew lashing out was the worst thing he could do, his nerves were taut and ready to snap. He was running out of patience, and if he didn’t find Misha and put things right, he was afraid he’d go crazy.

Jared’s eyebrows shot up as he looked around and nervously licked his lips. 

For a moment, Jensen wasn’t sure if he was going to tell him or not and he flinched when a strangled noise escaped his throat.

He felt like he was drowning, and Misha was the only one who could save him and breathe new life into him.

But he had to find the man first, and when Misha didn’t want to be found, he had ways of keeping out of sight.

Just as he was about to turn and storm back through the door he had come through, Jared stopped him. 

“First, cool off before you charge after him. You don’t want a replay of last time you let your emotions take control like his.” 

Jensen recoiled at Jared’s words, as though he were able to read his thoughts as he replayed their breakup for the millionth time in his head. 

When he had made the decision last year, he hadn’t realized how much the breakup would hurt Misha.

Or himself.

“Dude…” Jensen gave the you

nger man a warning glare. He was in no mood to be reminded of his past mistakes. They already plagued him daily. Jared didn’t need to drive his point home.

He already knew he was an asshole.

“Please, just… I need to find him.” His voice had gone soft as he looked up at Jared with wide, pleading eyes. “I need to fix this.”

Jared stared at him for a moment, as though he didn’t believe his intentions. But he must have seen something that told him Jensen was telling the truth. 

He nodded and jerked his head toward the side door.

“Went to walk the halls and clear his head. But if he asks, I didn’t tell you, because he asked me not to.”

As Jensen marched toward the other door, he flashed Jared a sad smile. They both knew the chances of Misha forgiving him were slim. But Jensen knew he had to try.

“Go get ‘em, tiger,” Jared called out with a chuckle just before the door closed behind Jensen.


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen roamed the halls of the convention center. His frustration grew, as he knew his time was running out before they’d have to go back out with their fans. It wasn’t normally a problem, Jensen loved meeting with fans during his signings and photo ops, and answering their questions during his panels. 

But in that moment, he knew if he didn’t at least try and fix this with Misha, then he’d be in a bad mood for the rest of the weekend. And fans flew to Rome from all over the world for the Jus In Bello convention, and he wasn’t about to disappoint them. The last thing he wanted was to possibly be the cause that they wouldn’t be asked back.

As he glanced through the empty rooms in the halls, hoping to find his ex… he stopped himself mid-sentence as his heart clenched. When he thought about it, he wasn’t even sure what Misha was. An ex-what exactly? They’d never defined their relationship, if it could even be called that. 

They dated, he supposed, as they went out to eat a lot, and to the movies or museums and things when time permitted. But mostly, unless it was related to Supernatural, they kept to themselves and away from the world.

Most nights, when Misha was on set and they got out before midnight, it was the two of them holed up in Jensen’s apartment in Vancouver, cuddling on the couch watching old movies. They’d alternate who got to pick the restaurant they ordered in from, and then make out like a couple of teenagers.

Because Jensen was too chicken shit to let the world see them in case they came to any conclusion that they could be more than friends.

Even though that was the truth.

But he was a man. A man from Texas. And men from Texas don’t get involved with other men.

Especially not a man from Texas who has a beautiful new wife at home.

It didn’t matter that Danneel knew about Misha before they got married. Or that she was the one who had noticed there was something between them three years ago, before he had even been able to identify it - hell, he hadn’t even been able to do that until after he’d lost Misha. But she had encouraged him to talk to Misha and explore whatever it was.

He didn’t know how he got so lucky to have Dani in his life. But she was truly a blessing. She wasn’t jealous of Misha, and had almost died in a laughing fit when he tried to use their relationship and her feelings as an excuse for why he shouldn’t be with Misha. 

He never wanted her to think that she wasn’t enough for him. Because she was.

As he opened another door, he thought he saw something, and whispered into the darkness. “Mish? You in here?” 

But he was met with silence. Reaching out, he flicked on the light, but there were only a bunch of boxes piled up in the corner.

No Misha.

Defeated, he checked his watch as he left the room. It was almost time to head back out to the crowd.

Shit.

Head down, he slowly wandered back toward the green room.

He couldn’t help but think back to when he had first met Misha in 2008. His mind went rampant as he remembered how he had thought Misha was weird and was almost glad he was only supposed to be in a few episodes of the show.

But the truth was, as soon as he saw him come into that barn the first day of shooting, with a shy smile and those impossibly blue eyes, Jensen had been lost. 

Of course, he had thought it was just an infatuation. It wasn’t supposed to be anything serious. Misha had been cute and flirty, and after he’d gotten to know him, Jensen realized he was actually fun and they had a lot in common.

Getting to know Misha had been one of his favorite past times. But it couldn’t be anything serious. 

And while they had gone past flirting to making out, a lot, and sneaking out together when they thought they could get away with it, Jensen had never let it get any farther than that.

He knew it was something that couldn’t last, and he’d been scared to make any commitment to Misha or let it get serious.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure why or how Misha had put up with him for over two and a half years. Not when he wasn’t even willing to admit between themselves that they had anything real, let alone to the public.

Jensen had been so lost in this thoughts, he hadn’t even paid attention to his surroundings as he wandered back to where everyone else would be congregating, including his handler, who was probably going nuts despite the fact that Clif had probably been reassuring her as best he could that Jensen was fine and should be back soon. It probably didn’t ease her worry knowing that he was out and about by himself and had left his bodyguard behind. 

Of course, Clif probably knew something had been going on, but he never mentioned anything to any of them. There had been too many times he’d brought Misha to or from Jensen’s apartment. Plus numerous times he’d probably noticed the pair being quite disheveled. But it wasn’t his job to question Jensen or give him unsolicited advice. So he just stood back and kept to himself, only giving the slightest smirk when Jensen would sneak away from him with Misha for some alone time.

Jensen swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to hold back the emotion that threatened to consume him.

Still lost in thoughts, he wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking until he had bounced off something solid. He would have kept going, if not for the hand that reached out and grasped his shoulder.

“Hey, you alright?” 

Startled, Jensen looked up and blinked as he realized his friend, Jason Manns, stood in front of him. He nodded, not trusting himself to try and speak.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Misha had been right behind Jason and had turned, wide eyed, and fled toward the door while Jensen was distracted.

“Mish.” He barely recognized the sound of his own squeaking voice as he tried to get his friend to just stop and talk to him.

With a weak smile he tried to turn and walk away and follow Misha, but Jason didn’t let go.

“Jens, what’s wrong?” 

Jensen kept his head down and shook his head as he tried to once again pull out of Jason’s grasp. This time, he was able to pull away, despite Jason’s obvious hesitation and uncertainty of the situation. 

Afraid of what Jason would see in his face, Jensen still refused to look up even when he opened his mouth to say something, but no sound would come out. 

Just then, Clif opened a door a few feet away and whistled to get their attention. 

Jensen was grateful for the interruption and left a confused Jason behind as he bolted for the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hasn't been edited because I know people were eager for this.
> 
> Sorry it took so long and I hope it doesn't disappoint!

“Mish! I’m serious, dude, stop!” Jensen was tired of Misha ignoring him. But Misha had been dodging him as much as he could since they had gotten to Rome.

But there wasn’t really anywhere he could run to now. Not when they were getting ready to go out to their various panels and photo ops. 

As Jensen walked into the small room backstage, he noticed Jason had followed him and Clif into the waiting area where the convention staff was nearby to get them ready to go wherever they were scheduled after lunch. Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen saw Jason exchange a confused look with Jared as he walked over to the taller man. But Jared just gave a slight shake of his head as they walked toward the door to wait for their handlers to lead them off for the afternoon.

As Jensen let out a frustrated growl, he locked eyes with Jared and the look of pity only fueled his determination to set things right.

With a nervous glance he looked around the room to see who was paying attention to him.

Misha stood by the open doorway, where Daniela and the rest of the Jus In Bello staff had congregated on the other side, and he was looking anywhere but at Jensen. In fact, he looked as though he wanted to be anywhere but in that room at the moment. Jensen was pretty sure Misha was ready to flee as soon as he was given the signal that it was time to go.

Jensen gave a sigh and heard Clif shuffle his feet. He seemed to have realized something was going on and was prepared to have to intervene if necessary. Though Jensen hoped it wouldn’t be. 

When he glanced behind him, Clif tried to give a reassuring smile, but it didn’t do anything to ease the tension that had coiled deep in Jensen’s belly. Steve was next to Clif, and his eyes were still glued to his phone screen, and hadn’t seemed to realize there was anything amiss with his friends.

When he snuck a peek over to his right, he saw Jared and Jason whispering. The difference between them, was Jared, like Misha, seemed to be looking anywhere but at Jensen, while Jason, still seemed perplexed and concerned, and couldn’t keep his eyes from tracking every single one of Jensen’s nervous movements.

Jason seemed to have figured something was going on, but couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Nervously, Jensen wondered what Jared was telling their friend, but he knew that the other man wouldn’t spill his secret.

Looking back at the door, he caught Misha looking at him with a curious expression on his face. But as soon as he realized Jensen was watching him, he turned away, looking slightly embarassed.

Jensen shook his head.

_What are you doing? These are your friends. The people you trust most in the world. Half of them already know about what was going on with you and Misha, and now others are starting to catch on._

He bounced on the balls of his feet, trying to get rid of some of the nervousness while also trying to figure out what his next move was supposed to be.

Except, he knew what his next move should be.

That was the problem.

Well, not a _problem_. He just wasn’t sure if he was ready for it.

But he had to be. It was the only way to show Misha he was serious and that he’d been stupid and insecure when he broke things off the previous year after Sera had tried to kill off his character.

He hadn’t thought there was a way to continue their relationship when they didn’t have an excuse to be with each other. Because he was too afraid that people would see them together and read too much into it. Which was stupid, because friendship and respect had been the foundation of whatever it was that they’d had, what they _could have had._

He was just afraid. 

Afraid to let himself be happy. 

Afraid to admit the truth to anyone else, of being seen _differently_.

But Misha had never let that bother him. He was always who he was and he didn’t care what people thought or if they thought he was weird for being different. Misha had thrived on laughing in the face of normality.

Jensen wished he could be more like Misha. And through their time together, he felt like Misha did rub off on him a bit, but he wasn’t sure if it was enough to make a leap of faith.

Because what if Misha wasn’t there to catch him?

What if his friends, family, and the people he cared about turned their backs on him?

Jensen stood there, rooted in place as a million thoughts raced through his mind, and it took Jared reaching out and putting his hand on his shoulder for him to realize that everyone was curiously watching him.

But when he looked around, all he found was himself getting lost in the blue depths of deep blue pools that were looking at him with concern and speculation.

“I-“ Jensen started, but his voice broke and he found he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say, so he snapped his mouth shut and looked down at the floor.

He scowled at his feet as he took a deep breath.

_It’s not called a leap of faith for nothing, Ackles._

It was now or never.

Jensen looked up and around the room. Guilt descended upon him as he realized all of his friends who were gathered around him were looking at him with concern etched on their faces. When he locked eyes with Jared, the taller man’s face transformed into one of shock, and understanding, as realization began to dawn.

He gave a smile and a nod, and it was all the encouragement Jensen needed.

If nothing else, he knew at least one person, two if he counted Clif, would have his back no matter what.

Even if his other friends didn’t.

Even if _Misha_ didn’t.

“Look, I’m glad you’re all here,” Jensen said as his eyebrows furrowed, as he still tried to come up with the right words. “Before we go back out there, I have something I want to say and it’s important.”

Misha looked at him and damn him, he gave him one of Cas’ patented head tilts as he tried to figure out what Jensen was doing.

But all Jensen could do was be relieved he at least had the man’s attention, as he tried to ignore the way that look made him weak in the knees. Because damn him, Misha knew that look did things to him.

“I’m sorry, Mish,” he said quietly, unable to meet the other man’s eyes. “I was stupid and I never should have walked away, especially when I knew you needed me the most. You were already hurting and I kicked you when you were down. All because I didn’t know how to handle everything that was happening.”

Jensen stopped and took a steadying breath and chanced a look up and the soft expression on Misha’s face almost dropped him to his knees to just grovel and beg for Misha to take him back. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a confused Jason take a step toward him, mouth open like he was going to say something. But Jared reached out and put his hand on his shoulder and gave a slight shake of his head. He didn’t say anything, but his confusion seemed to grow as he stepped back to where he had been standing next to Jared.

He was pretty sure Jason and Steve had no idea what he was talking about, and he wasn’t sure if it was better or worse that Clif and Jared knew exactly where he was going with this already.

If anything, he hoped it forced him to get the words out that he needed to say. 

Though, with the confused and hopeful smile Misha was giving him, he knew he couldn’t chicken out because he wouldn’t let himself disappoint or hurt Misha again.

Jensen swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to get the words out that were stuck in his throat.

“You know that you and Danni are the most important people in my life. Or, maybe you don’t, and Mish…” His words trailed off and he shoved his hand through his hair, or else he was going to grab ahold of him and crash their lips together until he was passing out from lack of oxygen.

“I do, Jens,” Misha said softly as he looked up and his crystal blue eyes pooling with unshed tears met Jensen's green eyes that couldn’t contain their tears anymore.

Jensen nodded and took a cautionary step toward Misha. “Good. Because I’m done with living without you. I’m done pretending I’m something I’m not.”

Misha licked his lips and his eyes were wide as they darted around the room. “Jens,” he breathed a warning.

But Jensen just shook his head. “I don’t care if they know I love you, Misha. I’ll tell the whole world, if I have to. If it’ll fix what I broke between us.” He heard Steve let out a soft ooh behind him, and Jason started to pace around the room, clearly unsure what he should be doing or saying.

Of course, Jared was a smug bastard who just stood there with a grin as he watched the two of them fumble around and try to find their way again.

Jason came back from beyond the opening into the rest of the backstage area, running his hand over his face and through his hair.

“Seriously?” 

Jensen looked over at his friend, and while he looked confused, Jensen felt slightly reassured that confusion was all he seemed to be feeling.

“For about a year and a half. Until a few months after we filmed what was supposed to be his final episode.” He looked back over at Misha. “But I was afraid of people finding out. On set and conventions and things, it was easy to just shrug off. Then we weren’t going to be working anymore. And the thought of not having a built-in excuse to see each other…” 

Jensen’s words trailed off as he bit the inside of his cheek. He hated the thought - no, the _truth_ , behind the rest of the sentence. But if he didn’t say it, they couldn’t move on and try to fix things, if they could be fixed.

So he took a deep breath and put it out there. “It made it _real_. And I didn’t know how to handle that. So I freaked and pushed you away, Mish.” Jensen shook his head. “I was afraid of coming out. Of telling people I’m… that I’m bi.” 

He let out a shaky breath. It was the first time he’d ever said the words out loud, and the world didn’t end. “I still am, don’t get me wrong,” he said with a chuckle as he tried to ease some of the nervous energy that filled the room.

“But I realized it wasn’t worth the cost, which was losing you. I’ve been miserable without you, Misha.”

Misha nodded. “Let me guess. So miserable that you made Danni miserable and she told you to figure out your shit?”

Jensen opened his mouth to protest, but the smirk on Misha’s face let him know he knew them well enough to know the truth and that he wasn’t mad about it. 

“Maybe,” Jensen admitted with a laugh. “But that doesn’t make it any less true. Because she was right. I did need to face what happened and the reasons why it ended.”

This time it was Misha who moved closer to Jensen. There still was about a foot between them, which was still too much for Jensen.

“I know you live your life unapologetically, Misha. That you are you and that you don’t hide who you are. I can’t promise that it’ll be easy or that I’ll be able to just jump right into us being public together. But, if you’ll give me another chance, I’ll work on it.”

Jensen looked down at his feet, and couldn’t help but worry that he had messed up too much and Misha wouldn’t be willing to be patient with him anymore.

“I love you, Mish.” But when he glanced up, Misha just looked at him with those eyes he could get lost in, but he didn’t say anything. “Say something, man,” he finally said with a ragged breath.

The corners of Misha’s mouth quirked up in a tentative smile. 

“I love you too, you dumbass.”

Jensen’s head whipped up and he let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he had been holding. Without even thinking, he launched himself forward and grabbed the back of Misha’s head, and gently pulled him in the last few inches so their lips could meet. 

He’d forgotten they’d had an audience for a few moments, as he melted against the feel of Misha’s lips on his. But the hoots from Jared reminded him that they not only had an audience, but they were in a semi-public place. He regretted that he had to pull away before Misha had been able to wrap himself around him and that they could really throw themselves into the kiss.

But there was no wiping the grin from his face as he took in not only Misha’s smile, but the smile on Steve and Jason’s faces as well. He’d been worried about nothing, although he was sure there would be a lot of questions later when they were away from fans. 

When he glanced out the room, he saw the signal that it was time for them to go. So Jason came up and whispered as he passed by how proud he was of Jensen. They started to walk out and Jensen’s head whipped around when he felt someone swat his ass.

Of course, it was Misha, who mouthed, _Later_ , with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. Jensen suddenly found it difficult to swallow but grinned as his friends rallied behind him to move out of the room.

It was a good day, and he couldn’t wait until he could properly sit down with Misha, and even his friends.

He was sure Jared would have a lot to tease him about. Especially since despite knowing they’d been together for the last ten months of their relationship or so, they’d been careful to not let anyone see them together. And he’d just kissed Misha in front of anyone who wasn’t one of their wives, for the first time.

And if he was being honest with himself, it felt good, and freeing.


End file.
